Recently my husband and I were talking about our personal love language. We had fun talking about it and experimenting with ideas of how to love each other better. This is by no means a complete list. It’s the most important ones that make us feel loved the most.
After we first met, Chris wanted to say “I love you” almost right away. But instead, he decided to just demonstrate it with his actions and wait until I showed I was ready. It worked! I remember so clearly the moment that it really hit me, “He actually does LOVE me!” Soon afterward, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes!
Looking back, I asked myself what was it that brought me to that conclusion? Chris had demonstrated all the love languages (except touch), but there was one in particular that caught my attention the most: his acts of service.
That’s it! That has to be my love language. Even today, almost two years after we married, I’m still strangely unsettled without this one. Nothing makes me feel more valued and loved than him doing a few dishes or asking if I need help.
We each made a list of the best ways to speak each other’s love language. It’s not an exhaustive list, but I hope it inspires some great ideas.
For more ideas on how to connect with your spouse, check out this list of 21 ideas!
(These are not in order of importance)
Ways to Love by Acts of Service
- Do at least 5 dishes a day–right before bed if you have to! If you’re lucky enough to have a dishwasher, I envy you. I’m seriously considering upgrading our apartment for no other reason than to get one with a dishwasher. But even if we did have a dishwasher, the daily grind of dishes would still haunt my to-do list to no end. I feel like my whole life revolves around that mountain. Most times I don’t even want to cook because it will mean more dishes I’ll have to clean up later. By myself. Hint, hint!
- Pick up your stuff, or say when you’ll pick them up. I actually don’t mind making a mess. Life happens. I get it. But when you leave it for me to add to my never-ending to-do list (with dishes and laundry always at the top), I feel like you’re taking advantage of me. I work so hard to manage the house, only realize I’m the only person in the house who can take responsibility for the footprints I leave in life. I learned this lesson the hard way when I lived with roommates. You’ll get raked over the coals for leaving your dish overnight or scattering your stuff all over the living room.
- Invest in your house and comfort at home. I didn’t realize the importance of this one until we were married over a year. Chris treated the whole house like it’s my private show poodle. His routine was simply playing video games, eating, and sleeping. If I buy a new decoration or rearrange the entire house, it would go unnoticed and untouched. It’s understandable. That’s how life was when we lived with our parents. Whatever they did to the house or bought for the house was none of our business. It was THEIR house. But things are different now. Yes, I manage the house chores and cooking, but I’m not your parent. This is YOUR house as well as mine. You have a say it how to run it. I think that if you were invested in your own house like it was yours, you would care about taking care of it as much as I do. Plus, I need your creativity! I can’t be expected to have the answer for everything. Since my language is acts of service, I need to know that my service for you matters. I’m not doing this just for me.
- Help “get the house ready” when people come over. Please! It makes me feel like a housemaid to be stuck cleaning, cooking, and serving while everyone else has fun. Yes, I do enjoy serving others, but I feel ignored and unappreciated for doing it. My greatest passion is now a self-inflicted punishment.
- Allow me to have my own perfect space. Being a janitor means you’re constantly surrounded by mess. I know I can’t expect to have a clean house for more than five minutes. But I still need to recharge. That chair in the corner with a coffee and book beside it? Don’t throw your clothes on it or dump your stuff there. It’s my perfect space. I need it to recharge.
- Make my coffee in the morning. There’s nothing I love better than mornings, breakfast, sunrises, and coffee. Making my coffee may seem like a minuscule gesture (especially if you have a Keurig), but it means the world to me. Simple gestures like that will never go unnoticed. I’ll remember it forever!
- Buy me better tools to work with. If you don’t think you have the talent or time to help out with what I’m doing, you can still help me in a different way. See me mixing the batter by hand? Why not buy me a hand mixer? Just saying.
- Help me relax when I’m exhausted. If I’ve had a bad day or am too tired to work, all I really need is an offer to help. Other people need hugs or affirmation or gifts. I just need an offer to help. It will make my day!
Ways to Love by Words of Affirmation
I asked my husband to write a list of his own. I’m glad he did!
- Tell me I can do it.
- Let me know I’m amazing whether or not I get things done.
- Tell me the things you like about me.
- Be genuine and intentional with compliments.
- Be receptive to my compliments. Show that my words have value.
- Let me know that you notice the positives in my behavior and person.
What is your love language? If you have any marital/relationship love language ideas to add, please share it. Let’s complete this list together 😀